Forbidden fruit syndrome: Restricting access to devices can sometimes make technology seem more attractive / Katie Dujenski. Some parents wh...
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| Forbidden fruit syndrome: Restricting access to devices can sometimes make technology seem more attractive / Katie Dujenski. |
In the past year, however, her 6- and 9-year-old kids have gone to more playdates at friends’ houses. They’ve been exposed to YouTube, Roblox and other popular apps. When they come home, the kids beg their parents for their phones so they can watch more. At the park, her children stop playing and flock to any other kid who brought a tablet, like moths to a light.
Restricting access to devices can sometimes make technology seem more attractive.
“Had I introduced technology earlier, would this desire for the forbidden fruit be as intense as it is now?” Reyes wonders. The heightened screen obsession is similar to other household bans. You know those parents who ban sugar, making their kids hand over Halloween candy to the dentist?
Studies show that such hard lines can lead to overindulgence later. With sugar and with tech, the best antidote to binge behavior can be giving kids a little taste—and using that to teach responsibility. Besides, not all screen time is bad screen time.
In recent years, pediatricians have shifted focus from total time spent to quality of content. The American Academy of Pediatrics, which created the initial recommendations many parents followed, no longer recommends specific time limits. The organization says parents should instead focus on the quality of their children’s digital media use.
That’s why I suggest kids hold off on getting social-media accounts until age 16—there’s just too much worrisome content on Instagram and TikTok. So what should parents of young kids do? They should rethink total bans, but they also shouldn’t sweat the binges.
A missed opportunity
When families have differing tech rules, playdates can be tricky. Katie Dujenski, a mom in Seattle, says she wasn’t as restrictive with tech use as the parents of some of her daughter’s friends. A few years ago, when one friend came over, she only wanted to watch YouTube or play videogames. It got to the point where Dujenski’s daughter, now 14, felt the friend was using her for her screens.
Dujenski says she stopped hosting the playdates at her house and the girls eventually grew apart. “Being really restrictive can backfire. It’s a missed opportunity for parents to learn along with kids and teach them how to be responsible,” she says. Allison Griffin, of Huntsville, Ala., says when her son went to restaurants with family friends, he would sit next to the kids with tablets. He did the same thing when riding in cars with friends who brought tablets.
Griffin got her son a Nintendo Switch when he was 10 so that he could start using tech—with limits. She would set a kitchen timer for 30 minutes. He’s now 11 and has become so good at regulating himself that Griffin says she doesn’t need to set the timer for him this summer.
When he goes to friends’ houses, he asks her permission to play videogames that she doesn’t allow him to play at home. She usually says OK since he’s honest. “I am very flexible when he’s around others because I know that when he comes home, he has my rules,” Griffin says.
A balanced approach
Games and social-media apps were designed to be addictive, and parents often say their kids take every opportunity to binge, regardless of the house rules. That doesn’t mean children are all doomed, say digital-media researchers.
It just means it requires some degree of parental guidance in making sure kids also get outside to play and get adequate sleep. As I pointed out in an earlier column, researchers are looking more into how family dynamics shape the impact tech has on kids. A University of Colorado study involving nearly 1,200 people ages 18 to 30 found that parental restrictions on adolescent tech use had little bearing on participants’ tech use in early adulthood.
Participants whose parents set time limits or who grew up with fewer devices spent only slightly less time with tech in young adulthood than those whose parents weren’t as restrictive. Tech use in early adulthood, the researchers found, is instead shaped by current life circumstances and peer tech use. Single young adults used tech more than married ones, for example.
“Young adults who had more restrictive environments growing up expressed more concern about tech use, but that didn’t make them any less likely to use it,” says Fomby, now a sociology professor at the University of Pennsylvania.
Reyes has taken her kids’ strong gravitation to devices as a sign that she needs to grant them more access—while teaching them moderation. “We are in a world full of screens and our kids will need to grow up being tech-savvy,” she says. “We’ll probably loosen up and integrate technology into our daily lives in a balanced way.”